Wednesday, July 04, 2012

So This Is Growing Up...

In the span of two months the wife and I have bought our first home, welcomed our first child into the world, and left my pastoral position and our congregation in New Jersey to embark on some new adventures in mighty Delaware.

In sum, we've made three major changes, each of which stretches our budget a little bit more. Our daughter had been pretty good. She cries more than we'd like, but she generally sleeps well at night (she goes to bad about 10 and almost never wakes up until 4, sometimes as late as 7 or 8). The house is great, but we've had some electrical problems that have requires some time and money.

At the same time I'm trying to navigate some relatively nebulous call to be a Christian presence of love, peace, and reconciliation in this community - at the same being the primary care-giver for our daughter once the school year begins in late August.

Needless to say there've been a lot of changes, stresses, and unusual happenings. My life is nothing like what I envision and like nothing I could have envisioned even as recently as May. I was especially troubled the other day when someone commented on my forlorn lack of schedule, "At some point you realize that you're never going to know what's expected of you in the next moment for at least the next two decades."

That's terrifying for someone who really likes to know well ahead of time what's going on. I also can't help but wonder hope that at some point I'll adjust to this lack of grounding.

People talk about being tired when kids come along. I didn't quite get what that meant until yesterday afternoon. I've been getting enough sleep. We don't really have any plans or responsibilities this summer, so we can sleep when we need to sleep. As I noted, though, there's a been a bit of stress trying to get the house in order - and then making sure we can actually pay for it (not to mention somehow saving for those inevitable big expenditures on the horizon). There just seems to be something else to do that requires a lot of focus and attention.

I had a near nervous breakdown last week trying to figure out how to get the best prices on groceries when we've got no less than five options (up from basically one before).

All that to say, at 2:47pm yesterday afternoon, in good weather and bright sunlight, with my eyes completely open, no noticeable fatigue and the radio off, staring forward on an empty street with corn on both sides - I drove almost directly into a curb and didn't notice until my car has already bounced back into the road.

No bystanders. No damage. Just an immediate and painful understanding of reality.

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