Tuesday, March 18, 2014

About Time

I am really terrible at enjoying my life. I always feel like I need to be doing something. I'm sure some of this comes from my intense insecurity. i don't know why, but I feel this deep desire to prove myself - to make myself different, better, than I am.

I want to play in the mud without freaking out. I've never been able to be dirty. I want to skip all the things I "should" be doing to play with my daughter. It's not that I find her boring - quite the opposite - I just so often feel a duty to do something else.

I don't know where that comes from or why it's so persistent, but it's real.

I watched this movie the other night - About Time - about a guy who can go back in time and relive (fix) things that have happened. It's a love story, but more than just boy and girl. It's more than just a father and son. It's a love story about how to live life right. To love.

It's complicated. It's difficult. It doesn't mean solving everybody's problems and sometimes it costs us more than it costs other people. But enjoying life means loving deeply.

I think, often, I'm far too afraid.

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